


maternally displaced

by ivermectin



Category: Gossip Girl (TV 2007)
Genre: Abusive/Neglectful Mothers, Angst, Blair Waldorf Loves Dan Humphrey, Childhood Trauma, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Marijuana, Multi, Nate Archibald Loves Dan Humphrey, POV Dan Humphrey, Polyamory, Recreational Drug Use, alison's parenting hurt dan but he hates the fact that it did, if you've watched the show you know what i'm talking about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:02:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28485807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivermectin/pseuds/ivermectin
Summary: "Like a confession, it all spills out."Or: Dan's complicated feelings about his mother are, well, complicated.
Relationships: Nate Archibald/Dan Humphrey/Blair Waldorf
Kudos: 13





	maternally displaced

**Author's Note:**

> this is a very, very specific trauma feeling. If you can't relate to it, consider yourself lucky.

It comes out when Dan’s high, as always.

Blair’s sober, sitting by the kitchen table, watching Dan.

Nate’s high too, but his expression is serious, and thoughtful.

Dan looks at Blair, eyes tired. Like a confession, it all spills out.

( _he feels guilty about hating his mother. he feels so guilty about hating his mother, like it’ll claw its way out of his chest and demolish him as it comes up. he feels terrible about how much he blames her for everything. for not being there. for the way that’d been the first, initial, baby crack in the plaster of the humphrey family solidity. jenny needed a mother – so did he. he feels terrible about all of it. the fear, the discomfort. the way his dad looked at dan and said “you remind me so much of myself” all the time, enough that sometimes dan felt like he didn’t even know who he was at all. and then, just like that, his mother was gone. she was gone and then she was back and sure, they visited, but it wasn’t the same. why didn’t she realise that it wasn’t the same? didn’t she miss her children?_

_but it’s not her fault. but she didn’t do anything wrong. but she didn’t actively try to hurt him, she didn’t fuck him up like eleanor or anne fucked up their kids. dan knows how much blair and nate have been hurt by their mothers. it’s all clear, inevitable, undeniable. alison never – she was a good mom, right? by all criteria, by all definitions. she was a good mom, and he’s fucking selfish. she never –_ )

“When I was younger, I was so jealous of…. the way your mothers were,” Dan says. “I used to – I used to be. I used to wish my mother was worse to me, because then it would – it would justify. The way I felt. About her.” It comes out wrong, stuttered, fragmented.

He can’t look at them; he can’t look at anybody.

It’s such a fucked up thing to say. To feel. To _admit._

“Dan,” Blair says, the gentleness in her voice hurting him much more than her yelling would’ve done. “It’s not a competition. Your mother hurt you, and you’re allowed to feel bad, even if she didn’t do anything as bad to you as our mothers did to us.”

Dan shakes his head, looking away.

“The way you feel about her is already justified,” Nate says, moving closer, wrapping his arms around Dan. “She didn’t need to be a worse person for your feelings to be okay. Your feelings _are_ okay. She let you down.”

“It’s not that bad,” Dan says. “She didn’t – she just left.”

“So did Serena’s dad,” Blair points out. “And we all know how deeply that impacted her.”

It’s a good point, and it seems to hit home for Dan. He leans against Nate, and Blair walks over to the two of them, sits on the other side of Dan.

“How fucked up we are isn’t a competition,” Nate says, reassuringly.

“Yeah, because if it was, it’d undoubtedly be a draw,” Blair says, pressing her nose against Dan’s cheek. “You may not be as traumatised as us, Humphrey, but your plethora of neuroses means that, as far as brains being ineffective goes, you’ve _definitely_ got a head start.”

“ _Blair,_ ” Nate hisses. “How is that helping him?”

Dan, despite himself, laughs softly. It _is_ helping him, actually – the two of them being here with him like this help him feel refreshingly normal. He takes one of Blair’s hands in his, one of Nate’s hands in his other hand, squeezes them both gently.

“We should make badges,” Nate says, after a moment. “Maternally Displaced Gang. Or something.”

“My sister’s a fashion designer, remember?” Dan grins, crooked, feeling a little less like he’s on the verge of an anxiety attack. “I can call in a favour.”

“And _I_ am going to make some green tea!” Blair announces, excitedly. She gets up, bounces off to the kitchen, pulls out a kettle. “Chamomile okay?”

“Perfect, Blair,” Dan says, voice a little hoarse. “Thanks.”

Nate kisses his forehead, and Dan leans against him.

“Something I spent most of my life learning,” Nate says quietly, “is that you can hate the people who hurt you, like, hate them deeply and truly and sincerely, and still be a good person. Dan, you’re a good person.”

“You’re the best person, shut up,” Dan says, and he kisses Nate. Nate kisses back, gentler with Dan than he usually would be, which Dan determinedly is not thinking about. He focuses instead on the feeling of Nate’s hands holding onto him, Nate’s forehead pressed against him, Nate, his best friend, here, _staying with him_ , after everything.

Blair walks over to them, puts three little cups of chamomile tea on the table, pokes at Dan’s shoulder with a finger. “You find villains sexy, right? Because I know Nate’s your dream boy and everything, but never forget, I’m your mean girl.”

“You’re my mean girl,” Dan repeats solemnly. “My sexy villain mean girl.”

He manages to keep the serious expression for maybe half a second, and then he laughs at how absurd it is. Blair grins too, the warm, loving smile she only ever really gives Dan. She perches on his lap gingerly. He wraps his arms around her waist, holding her in place.

He loves them both. He isn’t sure how they love him so much, why they love him so much. He isn’t really going to examine it.

**Author's Note:**

> I know exactly what this is, but no, I don't want to talk about it.  
> as always, I have SO MANY OPINIONS on fictional mothers.


End file.
